just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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