I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
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20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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