she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize