and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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