I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
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One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
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Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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