I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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