He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My penis needs a shock collar
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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