my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize