No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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