everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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