Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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