last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize