final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize