Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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