you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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