Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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