how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
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Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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