I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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