I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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