I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize