I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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