one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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