Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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