I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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