shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
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Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
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I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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