i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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