they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
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Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
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man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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