Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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