I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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