she woke up with a sticky ear
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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