i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Found your dick twin last night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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