After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
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Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
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Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize