Umm I'm too high to move.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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