At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
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I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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