I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize