Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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