I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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