how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize