she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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