Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize