i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize