My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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