She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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