i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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