I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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