I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
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So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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