Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize