dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
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Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
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All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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