At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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