Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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